You’re Driving Me Crazy!

 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

Let’s be honest with each other: Sometimes our family members drive us up the wall. I love my wife and kids, but at times the stay-at-home order really tested my patience. If you ask me, I’ll tell you that I’m an easy guy to live with. But lately—for some reason—my wife has thought about joining a convent and my kids want to move in with Brandma. Perhaps I’m not as easy to live with as I thought.

According to James 1:4, God sends His followers trials in order to help us become more mature and complete. And one of the trials He gives us every day is the “relationship trial.” Relationships at home, church, work, and school are incubators for growth. And the fact is: We will never become spiritually mature until we learn how to maintain our sanity in our relationships.

Consider this: When you say, “So-and-so is driving me crazy!” that statement says more about your immaturity than it does about the other person. Why? Because without your permission, your “annoying” family member couldn’t drive you anywhere. But when you and I are immature, we allow family, friends and even perfect strangers to drive us from zero to crazy in five seconds or less. 

The more immature you are, the more you’ll be annoyed by others around you. So, one of the secrets to maintaining your sanity in your relationships is to grow up—becoming more and more like Jesus. To whatever extent you become more like Christ in your relationships, to that same extent you’ll be at peace in your relationships.

About five years ago, Thom Rainier, a popular and respected church leader and consultant, posted a survey on Twitter. He asked church leaders to share some of the silly things that Christians in their churches had argued about. In the days that followed, he was blown away by the number of responses. One church’s leaders argued about the “appropriate length” of the worship leader’s beard. Another group of Christians fussed over what type of green beans should be served at church events. Yet another church argued about whether or not it’s a sin to serve “deviled” eggs at church, while two other churches argued about whether or not to switch coffee brands. (Believe it or not, some Christians left one of the churches because they didn’t like the coffee that was chosen.)

We laugh about some of these stupid, childish arguments that took place in actual churches. But, actually, we should cry! After all, the Church of Jesus Christ proclaims the Living God and the message of salvation to a lost and dying world. But far too often our petty squabbles push people away from the Church and bring shame to God. Do you think for a moment that any of these church battles mentioned above drew people closer to Christ? Do you think that non-Christians flocked to the church when they learned that its leaders were arguing about deviled eggs? Do you think that Jesus was glorified by the battles fought over green beans and coffee? Hardly!

We have to remember that the world is watching us and making judgments about the Church and Christ based on our how we treat each other. So, whether we are at home, church, work or school, we must be careful to treat each other in a way that honors God and draws people to Christ. Husbands and wives, never forget that people hear how you speak to each other in public, and they take note that you are Christians. Parents, non-Christians listen to how you speak to your kids and grandkids at WinCo and take note that you are followers of Christ. The world is watching and listening.

God’s word tells us in Ephesians 4:29: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The word “unwholesome” is a translation of a Greek term that was used in Jesus’ day to describe stinky, rotting fish. Isn’t that a powerful word picture? Jesus Christ tells his followers—you and me—“You should never have stinky, rotting fish come out of your mouths. Your harsh, silly, immature arguments are like stinky fish to God. Your criticism is like stinky fish to God. And your grumbling and complaining are like stinky fish to God.”

Would you agree that there’s far too much stinky fish in our churches? In our workplaces? On social media? In our political campaigns? And in our homes? One of the reasons our family members are driving us crazy during COVID is because there is too much stinky fish in our homes. Our homes should be a consistent contrast to the petty arguments, criticism and judgment that are so prevalent outside our four walls. Our homes should be a place where we build each other up according to each family member’s needs. Our homes should be a place where our words benefit those who listen.

Perhaps God is leading you to have a heart-to-heart with your family today. If so, I encourage you to humble yourself before you family—sharing Ephesians 4:29 with them and confessing that you yourself have been guilty of speaking words that have torn down instead of built up. Ask your family to join you in drawing a line in the sand today: committing to eliminate silly arguments, harsh criticism and judgment from your home. Make a commitment to encourage each other, build each other up according to each person’s needs and speak words that benefit those who listen. If you and your family commit to living out Ephesians 4:29 every day, is there any doubt that you’ll be saying far less often, “You’re driving me crazy!”?

Dane Davis is the Pastor of Impact Christian Church. Please join us for our live outdoor worship service Sundays at 9 a.m. at 17746 George Blvd. in Victorville. Or, join us online at 10 a.m. on our YouTube channel (Impact Christian Church) or on Facebook.

The Cancer of Unforgiveness

 “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15

In 1993, a Minneapolis mother of one experienced hell on earth. Mary Johnson’s only son, eighteen-year old Laramiun Byrd, was gunned down in cold blood after a fight broke out at a party he was attending. It didn’t take long for the suspect to be arrested: sixteen-year old Oshay Israel, who was tried as an adult and sentenced to 25 ½ years in prison. Although Mary was devastated by her son’s murder, at least she knew that justice was being served. In her own words, “[Oshay] was an animal. He deserved to be caged.”

But something unexpected happened several years into Oshay’s sentence. Mary, a devoted Christian, felt led by God to visit him in prison. She did. And she visited him again and again until he was released after serving seventeen years of his sentence. And miracle of miracles: By the time Oshay was released, not only had Mary forgiven him for killing her son, she actually had become like a mother to him. Upon his release, Oshay needed a place to live, so Mary put in a good word for him with her landlord. And today, Oshay lives in the same apartment complex as Mary. In fact, he lives right next door. 

Wow! Do we serve an amazing God or what? If I wasn’t a Christian already, after hearing Mary Johnson’s testimony I’d say, “Sign me up! I want what that lady has. I want to have her kind of strength. I want to have her kind of peace. I want to be able to have the grace to forgive the way she forgives … especially when it comes to my dad.”

Sadly, my relationship with my father has been strained for a long time. We haven’t been close for many years. And that relational distance has been thrust to the forefront of my mind in recent months as my dad has struggled to bounce back from a major stroke. The stroke has crippled his ability to speak full sentences and process others’ speech. And my dad, who as long as I’ve known him has been able to fix anything with his own two hands, can barely button his own shirt or brush his own hair.  

You’d think that witnessing my father’s struggles would break my heart. But to be honest with you, my heart has been a bit calloused these past few months because of some lingering bitterness and unforgiveness. You see, I’ve never completely let go of the bitterness I’ve felt toward my dad for being physically abusive to my mom, my sister and me. I’ve never completely forgiven him for tearing me down with his words. And I’ve never completely let go of the resentment I’ve felt toward my dad for trying to chase off my wife when we were dating.

Don’t get me wrong: I have many wonderful memories of my dad. But those wonderful memories are mixed in with a lot of bad ones that have strained our relationship. And our strained relationship has become more strained because of my unforgiveness. I realize that needs to change.

Even though I’ve been a committed Christian for a long time, I still find myself longing for what Mary Johnson has. She so eloquently reminds us, “Unforgiveness is like cancer. It will eat you from the inside out. It’s not about that person. Me forgiving him does not diminish what he’s done….But the forgiveness is for me. It’s for me.”

These are wise words, powerful words, life-changing words that I need to hear. And you need to hear them as well. For me, two of the most haunting verses in the whole Bible are Matthew 6:14-15 where Jesus says bluntly, “If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Ouch! These verses crush me. Long story short: God will only forgive my sins against Him to the extent that I forgive others’ sins against me. And if I refuse to forgive others’ sins against me, God will refuse to forgive my sins against Him.

So, the Lord has revealed to me in recent weeks what I must do. I must forgive my dad…not just mostly. I need to forgive him completely. I need to do it for him. And I need to do it for me. Most importantly, I need to do it for my Lord Jesus Christ. He is ready and willing to forgive me. How can I possibly refuse to be ready and willing to forgive my dad?

Jesus Christ has called us to get rid of all bitterness and unforgiveness, because they are a poisonous cancer that infects our hearts, our families and our churches. Jesus Christ does NOT want us to miss the grace of God, and He does NOT want others to miss the grace of God pouring out through you and me.

If we DESIRE it, Jesus Christ will give us—just as He gave Mary Johnson--the grace to forgive the unforgiveable, to give mercy to the unmerciful and to love the unlovable. And as we share these amazing blessings with others, Jesus will respond by sharing them with us. Therefore, if you and I are serious about wanting Jesus to forgive us, we must get serious about forgiving others. And if we are serious about walking in our Lord’s footsteps, we have no choice but to eradicate the cancer of unforgiveness from our hearts. 

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information,

visit www.YourVictorvilleChurch.com and join us for church tomorrow at 10 a.m.