“They are no longer two,
but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.” – Matthew 19:6
A
married couple had their first big fight. They got so mad at each other that
they started giving each other the silent treatment. Both of them were pretty
stubborn, and this silent treatment went on for days. But then, three days into
their standoff, the man realized he needed his wife’s help. He had to get up at
5 a.m. the next morning to catch a flight to Chicago, but he had a bad habit of sleeping
through his alarm.
But
he still didn’t want to be the first one to crack and break the silence. So,
the husband wrote a note to his wife and set it in front of her: “Please wake
me at 5 a.m.” The next morning the man woke up, looked at the clock, and saw
that it was 9 a.m. He’d missed his flight! He turned toward his wife, about to
yell at her. Just then a Post-It note fell from his forehead and fluttered into
his lap. It read: “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”
That’s
an example of a marriage that needed a lot of work. But is it ever okay to give
up on a marriage? What does God think of divorce? In the book of Malachi, He’s
as direct as He could possibly be: “‘I hate divorce,’ says the LORD God of Israel” (v.
16). Three different times in this chapter, God speaks of the sin of “breaking
faith with the wife of your youth.” He says it most clearly in verse 14: “The
LORD is acting as a witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you
have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your
marriage covenant.” You see, when a man and woman get married, they stand in
front of God and each other and forge a covenant—a binding, lifelong
commitment—promising to love, honor and cherish each other for better for
worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. And that covenant is
binding until one of them dies.
So
in essence, God says in Malachi 2, “Husbands, when you divorce your wife, you
are shredding your marriage covenant. You are abandoning your marriage partner.
You are breaking the trusting relationship that you promised to her on your
wedding day. And when you break your relationship with her, you break your
relationship with Me. And I hate it!”
Fast forward 400 years. When the
Pharisees ask Jesus about divorce in the book of Matthew, He takes His
listeners back to the very beginning—Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become
one flesh.” And then in Matthew 19:6, Jesus adds the words that have been
repeated millions of times in Christian wedding ceremonies. “So, they are no longer
two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Jesus’
critics ask a follow-up question in verse 7: “Why then did Moses command that a
man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (As a side note,
they’re twisting God’s words. Neither God nor Moses ever commanded a husband to
divorce his wife in the Old Testament law.) Jesus responded, “Moses permitted
you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this
way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except
for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (vs.
8-9). Why? Because in God’s eyes, he’s still married to his first wife. Their
divorce might have been LEGAL, but it wasn’t BIBLICAL. It might have
been sanctioned by MAN, but it wasn’t sanctioned by GOD.
In
Matthew 19:9, Jesus goes on to offer us only one reason for a divorce that is
acceptable to God: marital unfaithfulness (aka, adultery): “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except
for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” You
may ask, “Does Jesus give a divorced Christian permission to marry someone else
if there WERE biblical grounds for divorce?” If you look very closely at what
Jesus says in verse 9, the answer appears to be, “Yes, He does.” If a husband
commits adultery, God gives his wife permission to divorce him. God doesn’t
command it. God doesn’t even encourage it. But He permits it. And if, after the
divorce is final, she chooses to marry another man, God doesn’t command it. God
doesn’t encourage it. But He permits it. She is not committing adultery with
her new husband, because in God’s eyes she is no longer married to her first
husband.
There
is only one other acceptable reason for a divorce according to the New
Testament. In 1 Corinthians 7:15, Paul writes that a Christian spouse isn’t
“bound” to a non-Christian spouse who physically abandons him or her. He seems
to allow divorce in such situations, but he doesn’t address the question of
whether or not re-marriage is permitted by God.
However,
if in some way your marriage is struggling or broken, it’s not enough for me to
just tell you, “God hates divorce, so don’t do it!” With good counsel and God’s
guidance, I believe struggling Christian couples can build a brand new
marriage. One that works. One that God has always wanted the two of you to
enjoy together. I urge you to seek that guidance. For marriages that are
hurting, unhappy or broken, I highly recommend Dr. David Clarke’s book, “I
Don’t Want a Divorce: A 90-Day Guide to Saving Your Marriage.”
God
HATES divorce, because God LOVES marriage. So, you’d better believe that He is
willing to roll up His sleeves and work with you to make your marriage better
than ever.
Dane Davis is the pastor
of Impact Christian Church in Victorville. Join us at Impact for Sunday services:
in person at 9 a.m., or online at 10 a.m. on YouTube or Facebook. For more
information, visit www.GreaterImpact.cc.