Can I Divorce My Non-Christian Spouse?

“‘For I hate divorce!’ says the Lord, the God of Israel. ‘To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty…. So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” – Malachi 2:16

In Old Testament days, many of God’s followers didn’t think divorce was a big deal. Many New Testament Jews didn’t think divorce was a big deal either. And today, a growing number of Americans – and even many Christians – don’t think divorce is a big deal.

But God HATES it (Malachi 2:16). And in Matthew 19:9, Jesus says much the same thing: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul once again makes it clear: If you are married to a Christian, you MUST stay married (vs. 10-11). If you get a divorce for any reason other than adultery, you must either stay single or remarry your ex-spouse. 

But what about Christians who are married to a non-Christian spouse? As Paul continues the chapter, he considers 2 different scenarios:

#1: Christians who are married to non-Christians who want to stay married (vs. 12-14): Paul makes it clear that when a married man or woman comes to faith in Christ, his or her Christianity shouldn’t negatively disrupt the family or tear the family apart. To the contrary, a husband or wife’s Christian faith should be a blessing to their marriage and should be a sanctifying force in their family. So, when it comes to the question of whether or not a Christian has God’s permission to divorce his/her non-Christian spouse, the answer is NO. If your non-Christian spouse is willing to stay married to you and is not committing adultery, you do NOT have God’s permission to divorce him/her.

#2: Christians who are married to non-Christians who want a divorce (vs. 15-16): In this case, Paul writes that when an unbelieving spouse chooses to walk out and abandon his/her spouse, “a believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances” (v. 15). So it seems clear that in God’s eyes, a divorce is permissible in this case. What Paul doesn’t tell us is whether or not God permits the abandoned spouse to remarry. However, if you go back to Charles Spurgeon in the 19th Century and Martin Luther and John Calvin in the 16th Century, all three respected Bible scholars taught that re-marriage was permissible for a divorcee who was the innocent party in a marriage that dissolved because of adultery or desertion.

Is God’s Word on divorce countercultural? Most definitely! And is it uncomfortable to hear? Without a doubt! But now you know the truth – right from God’s Word.

Dane Davis is the pastor of Impact Christian Church in Victorville. Join us at Impact for Sunday services: in person or online at 8:45 a.m. on Facebook Live or YouTube. For more information, visit www.GreaterImpact.cc.

Jesus Raises the Bar on Divorce

“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.”
— Matthew 5:31

Studies consistently show that around 50 percent of American marriages end in divorce. Ever since “no-fault” divorce laws were passed in the 1970s, divorce rates have gone through the roof. There’s no doubt that making divorces easier has made them more common.

And you might be surprised to learn that divorces were just as common in Jesus’ day. Many Jewish rabbis taught that God approved of divorce … at least, when it was the husband’s idea. They taught Israelite men that there were all sorts of legitimate reasons for a husband to divorce his wife: if she was a lousy cook, if she lost her good looks and her nice figure, or if the husband found another younger woman who was more attractive than she was. According to many rabbis, ALL of these were acceptable and biblical reasons for a husband to divorce his wife.

But Jesus says, “NOT SO FAST!”

In his great Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32). Now, is Jesus saying what we think he’s saying? Is he actually saying that some wives who are having sex with their husbands are committing adultery with their husbands? Yes, he is. Is he actually saying that some husbands who are having sex with their wives are committing adultery with their wives? Yes, he is. How is that even possible?

In this passage, God says that a divorced woman must never remarry her first husband after being married to another man. This example of Jesus’ higher standard is actually piggybacking off of his previous example dealing with adultery: “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (v. 28). Long story short: The Pharisees believed they were obeying the 7th Commandment flawlessly. They were convinced that they did NOT commit adultery. But Jesus reveals that they were adulterers in their hearts because of their lust. And in verse 32, he reveals that they were adulterers with their bodies because, as they had sex with their new wives, they were cheating on their old wives whom they didn’t have God’s permission to divorce in the first place.

Jesus gives an expanded version of his teaching on divorce in Matthew 19:3-9. In this passage, Jesus takes his listeners all the way back to Genesis 2—the day God created marriage. Jesus reminds us that God’s original design and plan for marriage was for one man to be married to one woman for life. God would seal their wedding vows, and nothing short of death was to tear them apart: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matt. 19:6).

Jesus gives us only one legitimate, God-allowed reason for a divorce: adultery. And the Apostle Paul gives one more God-allowed reason in 1 Corinthians 7:10-16: physical abandonment by a non-Christian spouse. However, if there is physical or sexual abuse of any kind in your marriage, you need to separate immediately. If your safety or your kids’ safety is at risk, get out. But separation doesn’t automatically mean that divorce is your next step. If there are NOT biblical grounds for divorce, you should work on your marriage—from a safe distance.

There are other questions that we don’t have time to answer: What if my husband is a jerk? What if my wife is an addict? What if my husband is in the clink? What if I don’t love her anymore? In this sinful world of ours, we are always looking for excuses for getting out of our commitments. But if you are married, I encourage you to be true to the vows you made on your wedding day to love, honor and cherish him/her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. It won’t be easy, but with God’s help, you can successfully fight for your marriage.

Dane Davis is the Pastor of Impact Christian Church. Please join us for our in-person worship service Sundays at 9 a.m. at 17746 George Blvd. in Victorville. Or, join us online at 10 a.m. on the Impact Christian Church YouTube channel or Facebook page. For more information, visit www.GreaterImpact.cc.

The Not-So-Great Social Experiment

Those who practice these things "will not inherit the kingdom of God."

– 1 Corinthians 6:10

Maybe you’ve already noticed, but we are living in the day of the great social experiment. For several thousand years marriage was defined as a lifelong union between a man and a woman. But in recent decades, we’ve been trying to redefine marriage. Maybe we could replace it with cohabitation. Or maybe we could regard it as something temporary. Or it could even be a legal long-term relationship between “two people” regardless of gender.

Last week we looked at one of the alternatives to replace traditional marriage, cohabitation. Today I’m going to talk about two other alternatives: serial monogamy and gay marriage.

Serial monogamy is the practice of engaging in a series of monogamous sexual relationships. Most people probably wouldn’t refer to it by its formal name, but here’s how it goes: date, have sex, break up, repeat. Date, have sex, break up, repeat … you get the idea. Serial monogamy is the alternative to marriage that is most glamorized by Hollywood. But while Hollywood is obsessed with serial monogamy, it’s safe to say that God isn’t crazy about it, since the Bible makes it clear that sex is meant to come only after marriage.

So, let’s focus on one specific kind of serial monogamy: serial monogamy in marriage. The pattern is pretty much the same, with minor modifications: fall in love, get married, get divorced, repeat. Fall in love, get married, get divorced, repeat. But in Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus makes his views on marital serial monogamy clear: divorce and remarriage was never part of God’s plan either. He explains that the law of Moses allowed for divorce only because of the hardness of our hearts. But if you’re divorcing your spouse for any reason other than adultery, when you marry someone else, you’re committing adultery with that person!

That drives a nail in serial monogamy’s coffin. Because the New Testament makes it clear that adultery—if it continues without repentance—will keep us out of heaven: “Do not be deceived: Neither the fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9b-10). So, these verses state that both premarital sex and adultery are sins that will keep us out of God’s kingdom.

And, you will note, homosexuality is another sin that will keep us out of God’s kingdom. That’s a point to remember as we turn to one more alternative to traditional marriage: gay marriage. This is an alternative that’s gained in popularity and acceptance in recent years. Less than nine years ago, here in one of the most socially liberal states in America, Californians voted to approve Prop 8, which defined marriage in our state as being “between one man and one woman.” But it was shot down in the courts. Then, just over 2 years ago came the Supreme Court ruling that state bans on homosexual marriage were unconstitutional, which—in effect—legalized gay marriage in all 50 states.

According to the Pew Research Center, in 2001, 35 percent of Americans supported same-sex marriage. In the 16 years since then, the level of support has almost doubled: 62 percent of Americans support same-sex marriage. So, what does God say? Oh, I’m so glad you asked. God created marriage in Genesis 2:18-25, forming the first human relationship—between one man and one woman, Adam and Eve. And if we take that great passage together with Paul’s description of marriage in Ephesians 5:22-33, here is a biblical definition of marriage: a lifelong covenant relationship between one man and one woman for the purpose of companionship, bearing children and learning to love as Christ loves.

So, regardless of what an American court calls it when two men or two women enter a contractual relationship with each other, to God … it’s not marriage. Period! And as we read in 1 Corinthians 6:9, God considers homosexual sex of any kind to be in the category of sexual sin along with heterosexual premarital sex and adultery. Just as with premarital sex and adultery, homosexuality, if it is not followed with repentance, will keep someone out of God’s kingdom. Whether or not someone in a homosexual relationship has a marriage license, to God it’s sin. Sex is only to be practiced in a married relationship between one man and one woman.

Regardless of whom you are attracted to, every one of us has to overcome sexual temptation. God urges us to resist temptation and pursue holy relationships that are set apart from the world and in line with His word. So, God’s answer to sexual temptation is biblical marriage. God’s answer to our deep longing for companionship and acceptance and love is—you guessed it—biblical marriage.

It bears repeating: Marriage is a lifelong covenant relationship between one man and one woman for the purpose of companionship, bearing children and learning to love as Christ loves. And what could be better than that?

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information,

visit www.fccvv.com  and join us for worship Sundays at 10 a.m.

Don’t Kick the Tires!

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” – Matthew 19:4b

Marriage has never been easy. But explaining it used to be pretty simple. Not anymore! I think we all know what marriage “used to” be: the lifelong legal union between one man and one woman. But in recent years our culture has wrestled with the questions: Can we broaden the definition of marriage? Are there alternatives to traditional marriage that could be just as fulfilling, or even more so? Should we give marriage a 21^st century update?

There are a number of alternatives to traditional marriage that have begun to grow in popularity. And since God is the creator of marriage, I think it’s only right that we look at the way these alternatives stack up against God’s word. For the sake of time and column space, this week I’m going to focus on just one of them: cohabitation.

First, to make sure we’re on the same page, here’s a quick definition of cohabitation: two unmarried people of the opposite sex living together with long-term or permanent intentions. These days, even within the church, you’ll find a lot of folks who think cohabitation is a good idea. Here are three of the most common reasons people give:

#1: The financial reason. “It’s cheaper!” Most couples who make this argument haven’t really crunched the numbers. Research demonstrates that while couples may move in together with the theory of sharing the bills 50-50, it tends to be more like 60-40—usually with the ladies picking up the heavier end of the tab.

#2: The “kick the tires” reason. People say it all the time: “You’d never buy a used car without kicking the tires first. So, you should never marry someone you haven’t lived with first to see if you’re compatible.” Surprise! Couples who live together before marriage have a 33 percent higher divorce rate. Not only that, but infidelity is twice as common in couples living together. There is also a greater likelihood of alcohol abuse, depression and physical abuse among couples living together compared to couples who are married.

#3: The “stronger marriage” reason. Today most adults believe that living together before getting married improves your chances of a successful marriage. Uh, no. See the higher divorce rate mentioned above. Besides that, most cohabiting couples don’t even get there. University of Michigan sociologist Pamela Smock writes, “Only about one-sixth of live-ins last at least three years, and only one-tenth lasts five years or more.”

So if you’re hoping for a marriage that’s strong and healthy and doesn’t end in divorce, the research is pretty clear: living together before your wedding is a terrible idea. Marriage is hard enough when we do it God’s way. You don’t need to increase your likelihood of unhappiness and failure by doing it the world’s way.

Now, let’s look at God’s way. In Genesis 2, God created marriage—the very first human relationship, between the first man and the first woman. This relationship serves as the prototype for every other marriage from that point forward. In Genesis 2:18 God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” That word “helper,” by the way, is translated from a Hebrew word that is used many times to refer to God Himself in the Old Testament. It doesn’t refer to someone who is underneath another. It speaks of being face-to-face and perfectly complimenting each other so that the two together are stronger than the one by himself. God created Eve as a partner to Adam—not a slave.

And Genesis 2:24 makes it clear that the leaving of our pre-marriage home and starting a new home together is not to take place until a man and woman are husband and wife: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The Bible does not condone cohabitation. It’s a sin. Period.

So, cohabitation may be wildly popular in America, but both the scientific research and God’s word agree: It’s a lousy alternative to marriage. And it’s even a terrible warm-up to marriage. Simply put, God’s answer to cohabitation is, “Stop it!” Save yourself sexually for your wedding night. And wait to live together until you both have rings on your fingers and a marriage certificate signed in the sight of God and human witnesses. God’s order is this: Get married. Move in together and have sex. Have children.

As in so many things, society hasn’t improved on God’s word. The old ways are the right ways when it comes to marriage. And when two people enter their life together according to God’s plan, their union is blessed in a way it never could be otherwise.

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information,

visit www.fccvv.com  and join us for worship Sundays at 10 a.m.