Why Do I Feel So Alone?

 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified…for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6

Last year Cigna Health Care surveyed over 10,000 Americans about loneliness. The researchers found that 61% of respondents—more than three out of five American adults—reported dealing with some level of loneliness. 71% of Millennials (adults in their late 20s or 30s) reported feelings of loneliness. And a whopping 79% of Generation Z-ers (older teens and adults in their early 20s) reported dealing with loneliness. And just think—this study was done before COVID. These numbers have undoubtedly climbed since the stay-at-home order.

Loneliness takes a huge toll on our physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Studies show that chronic loneliness can lead to depression, anxiety, cutting, heart conditions, substance abuse, and even dementia. People who deal with chronic loneliness have a harder time recovering after a serious illness or surgery. Many health experts say that chronic loneliness harms our health about as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day—and it’s much more common.

So, don’t be surprised if you’re wrestling with loneliness, especially during the COVID pandemic. Did you know that some of the greatest heroes in the Bible experienced loneliness? Elijah, Job, Esther, Jeremiah, and even King David all had times when they felt lonely, isolated or abandoned. And please never forget: Jesus understands your loneliness because he, too, experienced it. We’re told in Isaiah 53:3 that Jesus was “despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows…. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” And as Jesus hung on the cross, paying the price for our sin, he felt ask if every one of his friends had turned his back on him. It even felt as if God the Father had turned away from him. So, Jesus cried out in Matthew 27:46, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been lying in your bed all alone and felt as though even God had left you? There IS hope. And not surprisingly, it can be found in God’s word. I’d like to share three prescriptions from the Bible for your loneliness:

Prescription #1: Take your eyes off yourself and your problems, and focus on Jesus.  We read in Hebrews 12:1-3, “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles…. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” You have pain in your life. So did Jesus. You feel rejected. So did Jesus. You’ve experienced indescribable loss. So did Jesus. And he overcame it all. So will you if you fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.

Prescription #2: Repent. Turn from your sin. You may say, “Hey! Wait a minute! That’s not very encouraging. If I’m feeling all alone, you’re telling me that one of the remedies is to repent?”  Yes, I am. The honest truth is: Sometimes we FEEL all alone because our sin has LEFT us all alone. We may be dealing with loneliness because of our own dumb choices. We’ve burned bridges with our family and friends. We’ve held onto bitterness and unforgiveness. We’ve been selfish. As a result, we’re more alone than we should be, and we’re left feeling lonely. Sin certainly isn’t the only cause of loneliness. But it’s a common cause that we can’t ignore. Acts 3:19 says, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”

Prescription #3: Spend quality time with God and with other Christians. Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-30). Don’t you want that? Don’t you want rest for your soul? Don’t you want to stop carrying the heavy burden of loneliness and replace it with a lighter burden? Then spend quality time with Jesus and with other Christians. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” God wired into your heart a need for a active relationship with Him and a need for active relationships with other Christians. So, make fellowship with God and with other Christians a priority.

Now, I’ll give you three bonus prescriptions for loneliness that are scientifically-based and proven to work: Prescription #4: Get out in nature. Loneliness intensifies when we’re stuck inside four walls. Prescription #5: Exercise. Exercise releases endorphins in our brains--God’s natural mood boosters. Prescription #6: Get a pet. I believe that pets are a wonderfully sweet gift from God. So, if you’re feeling lonely, I encourage you to get one, or at least spend some time with someone else’s.

Finally, if you are struggling with loneliness, discouragement or depression, there are caring counselors available night or day to talk with you and encourage you. You can find resources at CrisisTextline.org or TheHopeLine.com. I urge you to reach out to them.

The reality is …God is always there. And there are Christians ready to be there for you, too. We ARE all in this together. You are not alone.

Dane Davis is the Pastor of Impact Christian Church. Please join us for our live outdoor worship service Sundays at 9 a.m. at 17746 George Blvd. in Victorville. Or, join us online at 10 a.m. on our YouTube channel (Impact Christian Church) or on Facebook.

Hearing God’s Whisper Over the Noise

“And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” – 1 Kings 19:12b

Recently I was on a trip with our church’s Youth Mission Team to Texas to help with Houston’s ongoing recovery efforts after Hurricane Harvey. When we arrived, we stopped for breakfast at a Texas favorite: The Waffle House. We walked in the front door of the restaurant, and the smell of fresh waffles was amazing. But the restaurant was very, very loud. The music was blasting, and there were no interior walls to buffer all the noise from the kitchen. And we ended up at a table right beside the kitchen.

Now, I have a certain amount of fluency in three languages: English, Spanish and Southern. But when our waitress was talking to us in her super-thick southern accent, with the dishes clanking and music blaring, I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying. Let me ask you: Do you ever feel that way about God? Would you agree that sometimes with all of the noise around us, it’s hard to hear the still small voice of God? You’re not alone. The same thing happened right before a life-changing moment in the life of the man who never died: the prophet Elijah.

At the beginning of 1 Kings 19, Elijah had just experienced a great triumph over the 450 prophets of Baal. He prayed to the LORD, and God sent down fire that consumed the water-drenched altar Elijah had set up. So he should have been riding high, right? But instead, he was down in the dumps. Why? Simply put, he was exhausted and depressed. Consider these three lessons:

Lesson #1: When we have a spiritual mountaintop experience, we must brace ourselves for the valley of testing on the other side of it. We all know that in nature mountaintops don’t connect to other mountaintops. Mountaintops are separated by valleys. This is also true when it comes to our emotions and our spiritual lives. No one can experience a permanent emotional high. I think deep down, we all know this. But for some reason we’re still caught off guard when our spiritual highs don’t last. We’re surprised when we get back from Christian camp and the next day we’re grumpy and everybody’s pushing our buttons and the dog gives us attitude. We wonder why, after a great Sunday morning worship service, we have some of the biggest arguments with our spouses on the drive home. It’s just a reality of life here on Earth: When we’re coming down off the mountain, we’re bound to enter a valley.

So, when Elijah got word that King Ahab’s wife Jezebel was threatening to kill him – again – we read that “Elijah was afraid and ran for his life” (I Kings 19:3). Now, this isn’t the first time Jezebel threatened Elijah’s life. But because he was exhausted, he wasn’t thinking straight. He ran off to the wilderness, sat down under a broom bush, and basically prayed to die. Thankfully, Elijah didn’t take matters into his own hands and end his life. Thankfully, he took a nap.

Which brings us to Lesson #2: Sometimes the best remedy for a pessimistic outlook is sleep. After he got some sleep, an angel of the Lord woke him up and gave him some food and water. Then he let Elijah sleep some more. Notice what happens next: “Strengthened by that food, he traveled 40 days and 40 nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God” (v. 8). After getting some much-needed sleep and nourishment, Elijah wasn’t out of the woods, but he was in a much better place to hear God’s voice. Sometimes when we’re depressed, it’s partly because we are not providing these basic things to care for our bodies: sleep, food and drink. And it’s worth mentioning that in some cases, if clinical depression continues to linger, medication may be needed in the short term.

After his 40-day journey, Elijah spent the night in a cave on Mt. Horeb (also known as Mt. Sinai). And that’s where, at last, Elijah heard from the LORD. But first God sent a little fanfare: “A great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper” (vs. 11b-12).

Lesson #3: “The whispers from Calvary are infinitely more potent than the thunder of Sinai in bringing men to repentance.” Those words are from the Christian scholar, Oswald Sanders, and they are so true. I believe God sent the wind, earthquake and fire as a wake-up call to Elijah. But when it came time to speak to Elijah, God didn’t speak to him in a big, thunderous voice. He spoke to him in a gentle whisper. The same is true today. Sometimes we expect God to speak to us as the worship music is blaring or the preacher is screaming or the ground is shaking. But more times than not, God speaks to us in a still, small voice. And we need to be still to hear it.

One final takeaway: When our mourning drags on, it becomes a pity party – and God will not endorse our pity parties. He calls us to get up and do what he’s called us to do. You’ll notice that 1 Kings 19 ends with Elijah leaving the cave and heading back to Israel to carry out God’s marching orders. And when Elijah left the cave, he left his pity party behind. Some of us need to do the same today. If you’ve been walking in defeat for too long, get some sleep, give your body some nourishment and listen for the voice of your great and awesome God. Then get up, brush yourself off and start doing what God has called you to do.

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information,

visit www.YourVictorvilleChurch.com  and join us for worship Sundays at 10 a.m.

Joy in Suffering

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds.” – James 1:2a

Let’s be honest. Have you ever read one of God’s commands in Scripture and found yourself saying, “You’ve got to be kidding me! God, what were you thinking?”

Here’s an example. In James 1:2-4, the Bible tells us: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

There’s no way around it. That sounds like crazy talk. Are you kidding me, God? When I get a pink slip from my boss, I’m supposed to consider it pure joy? When my doctor says, “The cancer is back,” I’m supposed to consider it pure joy? When my car breaks down on the side of the road, or my marriage is on the rocks or my dog bites me in the leg, I’m supposed to consider it pure joy?

Yes, you are. But how is that possible? I’m so glad you asked. Today I’d like to share with you two ways that you and I can experience joy in the midst of the trials and suffering of this life.

The first thing you and I must do if we are going to experience lasting joy in this life is this: Remain in Christ’s presence. In John 15, Christ told his disciples,“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love…. I have told you this so that my JOY may be in you and that your JOY may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”

I don’t know about you, but complete joy sounds really good to me. I don’t want just a sliver of joy. I don’t want a polluted mixture of joy and something else. After all, who wants a mixture of joy and lousiness? But the fact is, one of the reasons so many Christians struggle with sadness and depression is because they live their daily lives apart from Christ. Sure, we believe in him. Yes, we worship him on Sunday mornings. But we don’t remain in his love throughout the week. We can’t just open our Bibles for 30 to 40 minutes on a Sunday morning and call it quits till next week.

To remain in Christ’s love, we need to remain in his teaching and remain in prayer. But interestingly, Jesus doesn’t mention either of these two depression-busters in this John 15 passage. He simply says that if we desire to remain in his love, we must obey his commands—especially his command to love each other. So if you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, ask yourself: "Have I disconnected myself from Christ’s joy by failing to obey his command to love others?” You see, when we get depressed, too often it’s because we’re too caught up in our own little world. Are you bummed out because you’re living paycheck to paycheck? Well, join the club. Take the little bit you do have and be a blessing to someone who has even less. Your health isn’t great? Well, I guarantee there are plenty of others whose health is even worse. Be a blessing to them—show them Christ’s love. There is great joy in the presence of the Lord. Remain in his love, and you’ll discover that peace and joy aren’t nearly as elusive as they used to be.

God’s second piece of advice for bringing more joy into your life may surprise you: Spend more time in heaven. What does that mean? No, I’m not trying to send you off to push up daisies before your time. Instead, live out Colossians 3:1-4: “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

Isn’t that good? You’ve probably heard people say, “Get your head out of the clouds!” But God’s word says, “No! Put your head in the clouds! What you need is to get your head out of the dirt! You’re not an ostrich! You’re not a prairie dog! You’re not a gopher! Your heart needs to rise above the dirt of this world and beat for heavenly things. And your mind needs to rise above the dirt of this world and think about heavenly things.”

Paul says it there in Colossians 3:1: “You have been raised with Christ.” On that first Easter morning, the stone was rolled away and the light of dawn came rushing into that tomb. And when you became a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, his light came rushing into your sorry tomb as well. If you’re a Christian, you’re not hopelessly surrounded by dirt anymore. You’re not a prisoner of complete darkness anymore. Your body has already been set free from the grave. Your heart and your mind have already been released from the prison of this world.

So, get up out of the dirt and soar into the clouds. Set your heart and mind on things above. If you do, no matter what trials this dirty old world sends your way, you’ll be able to count it all joy.

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information, visit www.fccvv.com  and join us for worship Sundays at 10 a.m.

Yes, You Can Have Joy

“I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel.” – Philippians 1:3-5

We have more entertainment at our fingertips than any prior generation, but—by all appearances—unhappiness and depression are at an all-time high. A recent study released late last year revealed this sobering statistic: 12% of Americans—that’s almost 1 out of every 8 adults—have taken antidepressants during the past year. We are spending over ¼ billion dollars on antidepressants every year. Yet suicide claims more American lives than car accidents. Let’s face it: for millions of us happiness and joy are nowhere in sight.

We desperately need a joy remedy, and the Book of Philippians is just what the doctor ordered. The elusive secret to joy is spelled out for all to see in Paul’s little four-chapter “Thank You” letter to the Christians in the town of Philippi. God preserved it in His Word for all of us who wrestle daily with discouragement and unhappiness. Within this letter, Paul reveals the secret to having joy, peace and contentment in every circumstance—even when the doctor says, “It’s cancer”; even when our marriage is falling apart; even when we get laid off or fired. Yes, it is possible to experience joy, peace and contentment in the midst of suffering, and Philippians teaches us how.

In order to understand how to experience lasting joy, we must first understand the difference between happiness and joy. Let’s start with happiness, which can be defined this way: “Happiness is a temporary pleasant feeling that is usually grounded in pleasant happenings.” When you think of the word “happiness,” it’s helpful to remember the word “happenings.” You see, happiness usually works this way: If the happenings in and around my life are positive, I’ll likely be happy. But if the happenings in and around my life are negative, I’ll likely be unhappy. Our happiness comes and goes because the annoyances, problems and hurdles in this life come and go. So, when it comes to happiness, keep these two things in mind: #1: Happiness is temporary. #2: Happiness is highly dependent upon our happenings.

But that’s not the case with joy. “Joy is the settled conviction that God is sovereign. Therefore, He controls the events of life for His followers’ good and His glory. Joy is grounded in our unchanging God and never in our changing circumstances.” Take a moment to allow this definition of joy to sink in. Joy is a settled conviction grounded in our unchanging, great and awesome God. Joy is a settled conviction grounded in the absolute confidence that—despite how bad our circumstances appear to be, no matter how ugly they look, no matter how dire they seem, no matter how painful they feel—God is at work for my good, and God will somehow be glorified. Therefore, I will choose joy.

When it comes to happiness, circumstances are everything. But when it comes to joy, circumstances are irrelevant. Joy is never grounded in changing situations but in the unchanging truth of God’s character and His promises. Therefore, joy need not be temporary. And joy need not be handicapped by life’s fleeting troubles. It boils down to this: Happiness is grounded in momentary stuff, but joy is grounded in our eternal, unchanging God.

Once we come to grips with the reality that true, lasting joy is grounded in God and not in our circumstances, Paul is able to open our eyes to certain joy killers that battle against our joy, peace and contentment. For example, in verse 5 of chapter 1 he reveals that his dynamic ministry partnership with other Christians brings him great joy. In other words, had Paul chosen to isolate himself from other Christians, he would have been stripped of the joy that came through Christian fellowship. The same holds true for you and me. Is it any wonder that Christians who say, “I follow Jesus, but church isn’t for me” tend to have very little joy in their Christianity? God created us for dynamic fellowship with each other, so when we isolate ourselves from other Christians, our joy tanks tend to run dry. Isolation is a joy-killer.

And in verses 9-11 of chapter 1, Paul reveals yet another joy-killer: stagnancy. In these verses, Paul speaks of our love growing in knowledge and depth of insight. He speaks of us growing in discernment and righteousness. And all of this growth is contingent upon our studying God’s Word. Long story short: If our Bibles are gathering dust, our Christian walks will stagnate and our joy will dwindle. You see, like isolation, stagnancy is a joy killer. We must be daily reading God’s Word and growing in our understanding of God’s Word. The living and active Word of God inoculates us against the joy-killer of stagnancy, but it’s an inoculation that must be received daily.

Paul has much more to teach us about the road to abiding joy, but I’ll save those insights for other articles to follow. In the meantime, let’s all begin walking the path of joy by embracing the settled conviction that God is at work for our good and His glory. And with that in mind, let’s prioritize fellowship and reading His Word. If we’re serious about choosing joy, we will do just that.   

Dane Davis is the Lead Pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville. For more information,

visit www.fccvv.com  and join us for worship Sundays at 10 am.

Why Do Christians Get Depressed?

Jesus said, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete."  - John 15:10-11

Consider this: Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:3-12 that those who follow in his footsteps are blessed, which means—among other things—happy. And in John 15:10-12 Jesus tells us that obeying his commands and remaining in his love lead to complete joy. From what we read in the New Testament, it seems clear that Christians should be the “happiest” people on earth. So, if that’s the case, why are so many Christians depressed? 

Great question, but there’s not a simple answer. Depression is a complex disease. It doesn’t stem from a single cause and can’t be cured by a single pill. But understanding the physical, environmental and spiritual causes of depression can provide the first necessary step toward healing and recovery. God has created you to persevere and be an overcomer, and the following insights can help you or anyone else rise out of the depths of despair.

Much medical and psychological research has been done on the disease of depression. According to experts, some of the most common physical and environmental causes of depression are chronic diseases (especially diabetes, heart disease, kidney disease, MS and other illnesses that cause chronic pain), prescription medications, negative life events (e.g., a divorce or loss of a job), financial strain, and an unhealthy diet or a lack of regular exercise. Experts have even discovered that a lack of daily laughter has adverse effects on our mood.

So, why do Christians get depressed? Well, to a large extent Christians get depressed for the same reasons that anyone else gets depressed. At times, Christians struggle with depression as the result of an illness, family tragedy, financial woes or the side effects of medications. Other Christians get depressed because of a lousy diet, lack of exercise or lack of laughter. All that to say: oftentimes the direct cause of depression isn’t spiritual but physical or environmental. So if you or a family member is dealing with prolonged periods of depression, explore some of these physical causes and schedule an appointment with your doctor.

But depression can also have spiritual causes that require spiritual remedies. In Psalm 42, the psalmist reveals four of the spiritual causes of depression along with four spiritual remedies. They are:

#1: An absence of worship and Christian fellowship (vs1-2). There is power and healing in prayer and Christian fellowship. The Church is empowered by God to lift up those who are down spiritually. But it is also equipped to encourage those who are down emotionally. So make sure that you find a good home church and attend consistently. It’s good for you in more ways than you may have realized.

#2: Forgetting the joy of the Lord (vs3-4). When we are drowning in depression, the psalmist urges us to remember yesterday’s joy in our walk with the Lord. This is so important. One of the best things to do when your thoughts are down in the dumps is to take your thoughts back to a better time and place when you could taste the goodness of the Lord.

#3: Forgetting that your pain is temporary. As Christians we realize that weeping remains for a night but joy comes in the morning (Psalm 30:5). We know that God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28). We understand that every bit of suffering we experience on earth for Christ will be richly rewarded in heaven (Matthew 5:11-12). So Christians, of all people, have the insight of the future necessary to persevere through the most difficult seasons of suffering in the present.

#4: Putting hope in things other than Christ. Eventually our cars will break down. Our homes will fall down. Our bodies will wear down. And our family and friends, being human, will let us down. So it is foolish to put our greatest hopes in people or things. We must put our hope in Christ and cling to Him through thick and thin, because he will never let us down. He will always see us through.

So, hang in there, Christian. An old Japanese proverb states, “Fall down seven times. Stand up eight.” And stand up you will, because you were created to be an overcomer (Revelation 12:11). And there is hope in Christ!

    

Dane Davis is the lead pastor of First Christian Church in Victorville and the author of Holy Huldah!: Lessons You Should Never Forget from Bible Characters
You've Never Heard Of.